What is this skype?
by Raudhr Blodhgarm
Summary: This is set before season seven, but after six, and in a new regeneration of the Doctor. I understand that this can't happen, but I DON'T CARE. It is effectively what happens when Amy, River, the Master, and Rory all go hounding after the Doctor by Skype.
1. Chapter 1

**What is this-ah-Skype?**

**This was written at the very end of season 6, (From my POV), so I don't know what happens. But, all this means, is the grand and glorious discovery of Skype by the Doctor and River. It's a new regen of the Doctor, but I don't know any plot bunnies for season 7, so this is my rendition. Written in Skype messaging.**

Doctor: This is brilliant! An IM-ing software! In 2012! Oh, I love humans.

River: Doctor. You travel in time. This is nothing new.

Doctor: Well, that's a funny story. Remind me to tell you about it.

River: Sweetie. We have 'til the end of time and a few seconds. Just tell me.

Doctor: Well, I suppose that's true. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

River: And what is?

Doctor: That's beside the point. But anyways, we Time Lords did have IM-ing. With bananas, mind you, as well as being sent by neuron pulses. But I never really thought about installing one in the Tardis.

River: I already installed one, sweetie.

Doctor: Did you? Beginners luck.

River: *Sighs* Are we just going to sit here, sending dull text messages, or are we going to go out and have some nice adventures.

Doctor: I told you, Sexy's resting.

River: SEXY?

Doctor: Not you, the blue box. Naughty girl.

[Username MasterMwahaha joined this chat.]

Doctor: What? Can't you just stay dead? You're worse than Rory!

MasterMwahaha: Rory? I'll need to look him up. Can't have any competition, can we? Damn, I wish I'd changed my username.

Doctor: Rory's a Roman with a gun and a ginger, Scottish wife. Probably a bit more than you can handle.

MasterMwahaha: Scottish you say? Perhaps. But that comment about staying dead was hurtful, Doctor. So which Regen are you on?

Doctor: 12th. And I want you to STAY DEAD. For once.

MasterMwahaha: Oh come on, Doctor. I'm you best enemy and worst friend. I couldn't really leave you alone without any Time Lords to keep you company, could I?

River: Bugger off. That's what I'm for.

MasterMwahaha: Oh! A Time Lady! This could end very well. Very, very well.

Doctor: Bugger off. That's what I'm for.

MasterMwahaha: Off, er, "Dancing," shall we say?

Doctor: I suppose you were sitting in a spaceship somewhere, spying on us.

MasterMwahaha: In the future, yes.

Doctor: Ah time travel. :)

MasterMwahaha: What the hell is wrong with you? A smiley face. A SMILEY? You're no Doctor I remember.

Doctor: Time Lord biology. Therefore, not my fault.

MasterMwahaha: *Snicker*

Doctor: That's not what I meant! Bugger off!

River: But maybe you should have meant that, sweetie.

Doctor: AHHH!

[Username: Doctor has left the conversation.]

MasterMwahaha: He he he.

River: Still nervous. So insecure.

MasterMwahaha: 900 years haven't changed that much, have they?

River: Oh, he's changed more than you can imagine.

MasterMwahaha: And I suppose you would know that better than anyone else, wouldn't you, MELODY?

River: Not quite as dramatic in text, darling.

MasterMwahaha: So I'm darling, and he's sweetie?

River: What else? We've got a blue box named Sexy.

MasterMwahaha: So I hear. But, I must say, you seemed a tiny bit, ah, attracted to our Doctor?

River: Our? Mine. I'm his wife.

MasterMwahaha: *Raises eyebrow*

River: Surprised that he's settled down? Well don't be. He's as wild as ever.

MasterMwahaha: *Snickers*

[Username: Amelia Pond has requested to join the conversation. Accept or Deny?]

River: Accept.

[Username: Amelia Pond has joined the conversation]

River: Hello, mother.

Amelia Pond: And where the hell have you been?

River: Just talking to your "Raggedy Doctor."

MasterMwahaha: I know about the kiss. And the bed.

Amelia Pond: I'm warning you, I'm really cross. I haven't found my daughter yet.

MasterMwahaha: You're talking to her.

Amelia Pond: Well that doesn't count, now does it? I mean baby Melody, not River. For God's sake, she could be my mum!

River: Amelia, I could be your mum's mum's mum's mum's mum.

MasterMwahaha: Don't start that again.

[Username: Rory the Roman has requested to join the conversation. Accept or Deny?]

Amelia: Accept.

[Username: Rory the Roman has joined the conversation.]

MasterMwahaha: I suppose he's the Roman?

Rory the Roman: Figure that out yourself, did you?

MasterMwahaha: Yes. Yes I did.

Amelia Pond: Oi! The Master bloke! Tell me where my raggedy doctor is!

MasterMwahaha: You might as well ask your "loyal" daughter. She knows.

Amelia Pond: River, what are you not telling us?

River: Look, he's asked me to make sure that you didn't know where we were.

Amelia Pond: Rule #2. River lies.

River: Good girl. I can't tell you exactly where we are, but I can tell you this: We're on Earth.

Amelia Pond: That's a good girl. Come on boys, we're going to find the Doctor.

Rory the Roman: Boys? As in plural?

Amelia Pond: Unless "MasterMwahaha" is a girl…

MasterMwahaha: And what makes you think that I'm going to respect what YOU want?

Amelia Pond: Somehow, I get the feeling that you want to find the Doctor as much as I do, and I know him better than anyone else in the world. He's off getting into trouble. Probably risking his life. Do you really plan on skipping out on that?

MasterMwahaha: *Sigh* It's always the women. Well, he always did like to play around with Earth girls. Come on Rory. We've got a Time Lord to find.


	2. Chapter 2

**What is this Skype?**

**Chapter 2: The Hunt Begins**

**Note: This transcript of a Skype messaging conversation was recorded two weeks after the previous transcript.**

Master: We almost had him at Bangladesh! If only I knew how to communicate with monkeys.

Ginger With A Box: Why won't he let us catch him? I thought he was just leaving me behind to protect us…

Rory the Roman: I'm sure he was. But really, are you sure you want to keep following him? Remember how many times we almost got killed? Don't you remember what he said at the GOD complex?

Ginger With A Box: He was saving us from a big walking bull-thing. That has nothing to do with right now.

Master: Well, you'd be surprised how common those are. But Rory, you forget. This is not just about the ginger and the Roman. This also involves an old friend. And come on, don't tell me getting turned into a big dolly wasn't worth the kisses, Amelia.

Rory the Roman: Keep in mind, I do have a sword.

Master: You don't exactly let me forget, do you?

Ginger with a Box: Stop it you two! We have a Time Lord to find.

Master: Well, nowadays there isn't exactly a scarcity. For one, you're the mother of one. For two, you're Skypeing with one. And you ran away with another one on your wedding night. I'm not going to lie, you may have had a little bit too much exposure to us. But that doesn't even compare to Rose, the darling. But let's talk about her later.

Rory the Roman: Can we just focus here? And not constantly remind me that my best friend was my daughter, my wife kissed her son-in-law, and my daughter is older than me? It gives me a headache every time.

Master: Oh, that's nothing. I'm my own uncle.

Rory the Roman: I'm not even going to think about that.

Ginger with a Box: Moving on…

Master: So, anybody have a Gamma generator?

Rory the Roman: Don't know what that is.

Master: Okay, how about Vortex manipulator?

Ginger with a Box: I thought that wasn't healthy.

Master: No, neither am I. Well then, a Wibbly Wobbly detector?

Rory the Roman: No.

Master: Fine, we'll do it the hard way. I'm going to make some calls.

Ginger with a Box: To who?

Master: Whom, Amelia. What do they teach you these days?

[Username: River Song is requesting to join the conversation.]

Master: Accept. Her.

[Username: River song has joined the conversation.]

River Song: Well, Mum, Dad, I think I may be able to help you.

Master: Well, sweetie, cut to the chase.

River Song: All in good time, my love.

Rory the Roman: Are you- I mean, do you two-

Master: No, I'm just a dreadful tease.

Ginger with a Box: River, what do you know?

River Song: Mother Dear, patience. Me and the Doctor are currently in your solar system.

Master: Fantastic! And don't think you can pull the wool over my eyes that easily. WHEN are you?

River Song: Well, I suppose you deserve an answer. Only a week from now. Oh look, there you are, bursting in the door. Looks like you caught us. Well, toodaloo!

[Username: River Song has left the conversation.]


End file.
